Hate Myself?
How can I truly hate myself, my job, my boss, my life?
After spending the spring participating in Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Presence online teaching I found myself enthralled by Eckhart’s…presence. Yet, I was still lost in my own suffering.
Reveling in my past I spent the present moment pondering my flawed thinking about how deeply I worshipped a fear of the world. I thought about how much I hated myself. How much I hated who I was. How much I hated nearly everything about me.
After annoying myself with this relentless self-deceit I asked the one question that changed it all; Is this really true? It is truly possible to hate myself? Or, on the other hand, have I been despising the illusion, the thoughts, I have created about myself and the world?
My realization at that moment? It is truly impossible to hate. What we hate are the thoughts, or illusions, we have created about that which we apparently “fear.” How could anyone hate themselves or another?
Take away our imprisonment to the past and what do we have? We have the present moment of now. No judgment, no attachment, just now. If all I have is now then who am I? Am I the collection of thoughts I have accumulated about someone I once was? Am I allowing my past dictate and create my present?
If I was a little wiser about this and based the thoughts of myself and the world on acceptance and love, it would be a world transformed. All that I desired would be possible.
My past was plagued with ‘friends’ who were intended to protect me but turned my world into one of fear. Can’t, won’t, don’t, shouldn’t were all there to somehow keep me safe from failure and harm but when received (perceived) through the eyes of fear they became enemies.
It dawned on me that I hated the illusion I created of myself. The untruths built up in my mind about who I was over all of these years kept me away from who I was truly intended to be, until now.
Peeling away these illusions, I discovered a deeper understanding that our doubts, our hatred, our fears are illusions we have created of ourselves and the world. When we perceive, and receive, the world through the eyes of love and acceptance a world of ‘all things possible’ is born. This is our strength
Love and light.
Tom
